Effective Interviewing Techniques

My kids tease me because I ask so many questions of strangers.  It's a technique I learned only once I became a mediator.  (When I was a lawyer, they would accuse me of "taking their deposition" at the dinner table instead).  Yes, I am "that lady" who makes great friends during plane rides and while waiting in line or at the Beauty Salon.  I am "that person" who meets a stanger at a party and learns about his long-estrangement with his daughter, her challenges with her elderly mother-in-law, his illness or her weird new hobbies.

In mediation, effective interviewing is designed not only to create rapport, but to gain and convey genuine understanding of each disputant's unique perspective.  Often, it will reveal hidden drivers that underlie the conflict and ultimately hold the keys to resolving the dispute.  For example, an individual may want to leave his job and start a new company, she may want to return to school or leave her husband.  Any of these life changes will help to focus the discussion towards a settlement that will meet their needs and interests.

In order to do that, Mediator's ask a lot of open-ended questions:  "Tell me more about that." "How did you feel when that happened?" "And what else?" After practicing awhile, you become naturally curious, weaving together each unique story to help achieve some positive outcome for both sides of the dispute.  These techniques will serve the additional benefit in networking and building a practice.  Asking a lot of questions of people you meet will be more effective in endearing than telling them a lot about you.   They say that is why we have two ears and only one mouth.  Listen.  It becomes fun after awhile--and helps pass the time in those long flights!

Show Respect and Empathy, Never Judgment

One of the Mediator's Tools outlined in my upcoming book, "View from the Middle of the Road:  A Mediator's Perspective" is to summon humanity with a goal of helping people who are suffering reach an end to their conflict in a way that brings them peace and closure.  This week in California we had a dramatic and tragic event when a young Police Officer, Christopher Dorner, snapped after years of conflict with his own employment situation, killing 4 innocent people.  While I certainly can't condone his violent conduct, I can see this:  Dorner had a POBRA hearing (an administrative hearing under the Police Officers Bill of Rights Act) to challenge his termination, which was based upon his allegations that a fellow officer engaged in the use of excessive force against a citizen.  The Hearing Officer found against Dorner and upheld the termination.  Dorner appealed that finding, claiming that he had been wrongfully discharged.  He lost on his Appeal.  Dorner was clearly a very talented, bright, well-trained Police Officer.  He never got over the termination from the Police force, especially since it was based upon his own reporting of another policeperson's misconduct!  He took to the Streets in rage.  As the flames were smoldering that little cabin in Big Bear, I couldn't help but wonder whether Dorner ever had a single empathetic ear during his legal struggles against the LAPD.  Though Police Officers have rights that go beyond ordinary employees, they do not usually have a mandatory mediation process where the Supervisors or Heads of Human Resources might have explained the reasons why Dorner was terminated in a way he could have understood:  or the converse, where Dorner might have expressed why this particular termination was so devastating and perhaps been transferred to a different department or given some additional training on acceptable v. unacceptable uses of force.  Whatever the outcome, this Mediator thinks that some showing of respect for a Police officer's reporting on another officer, even if it's erroneous, may have gone a long distance towards helping this troubled individual get beyond his termination and maybe save 4 or 5 lives!  It's a dramatic example, but I believe it's true:  it's so rare to have a non-judgmental, empathetic, neutral listen to both sides and offer each other's perspective.  Mediation can be an invaluable tool--even outside the litigated case.